Well, of course, dear Art Scatter readers! What? You thought we were too cynical to observe Thanksgiving? Oh, sure, subjecting an entire continent to a near-death experience might be an odd thing to celebrate, but that’s where our optimism comes in. Spoil a continent and then you really have something important to do. Unspoil it. Which isn’t the same as restore it, because that would be impossible. The encounter between the industrializing West and the flora and fauna and native peoples of America was just too filthy and lethal. Combine that with a little thing called slavery and, frankly, we’ll never pay off the karmic debt — we’ll come back as cockroaches forever… unless.
I’ve always loved “unless”. What follows “unless” is always very interesting, even though frequently it’s a letdown. Either it’s obvious to the point of banality (this is the sort Art Scatter generally favors) or it’s impossibly huge and/or vague (“unless we get it together”). The implication is that the utterer of the sentence possesses a profound understanding of the equations that govern the universe. Oddly, sometimes we do. Scratch that: Miraculously, sometimes we do. Unless.
Thanksgiving. I always pictured uncomfortable early 17th century people, wearing strange hats and numbed by five hours or so of sermonizing, sitting down to a really smoky meal. Maybe the Native Peoples were there, too. Maybe they even ate corn and turkeys together. I hope so. They expressed their gratitude to God as they understood the concept. So did Lincoln when he re-started the Thanksgiving tradition in 1863 during the Civil War — but after Gettysburg, when it was becoming apparent that the armies of the Union would eventually prevail.
I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.
Consistent with the Divine purposes. A tautology lurks in there somewhere. What are the divine purposes? Wait and see.
Divine purposes operate on a different ground than “unless”, which is an expression of cause and effect. Lincoln believed in cause and effect, and he understood his limitations sufficiently to doubt his ability to understand them. And when we doubt sufficiently our ability to get a good cause and effect chain going, then we hope for the best, we pray to the heavens (I like Lincoln’s use of the plural), we take a leap. But first we prepare ourselves. How do we prepare? First, by establishing our humility (for those perversenesses and disobediences) and thus our worthiness for a good outcome, perhaps. Then? Maybe a nice lunch. Unless. Unless we observe the rituals, the forms, the virtues of the Good, we will never get what we want. We may not even get it then.
Unless. Unless I get started on these turkeys, they’re never going to get done in time for dinner. On the other hand, without a bit of heavenly intercession, the breast meat is going to be too dry or the thigh meat is going to be not quite cooked. And if the gods are particularly prankish, both! As long as my mother doesn’t burn the pie, though, it’s all good.
And you, dear reader? No unlesses. Have a great day, however you choose to deal with it. We’ll worry about the unspoiling tomorrow.
