Tag Archives: Dirty little secret martinis

Food, General, Humor, Laura Grimes

What we have here is a failure to concoct a drink

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Just waiting for a mad scientist./Wikimedia CommonsBy Laura Grimes

THE SCENE: Mr. and Mrs. Scatter arrive home late one muggy evening after going to The Theatre. It’s October, when mad science takes over without warning. The Small Large Smelly Boy is waiting on the front porch to greet his adoring parents. The He Cat’s nose is just behind the slit door.

SMALL LARGE SMELLY BOY

(Gives his beloved mother a big hug.) I’m ready for a martini with two olives.

(Mrs. Scatter and The Small LSB unhug and open the front door. The He Cat bolts out the door.)

MRS. SCATTER

Hi, Jack the Barfer.

MR. SCATTER

(Laughing.) Why Jack the Barfer?

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Food, General, Laura Grimes, Music

The dirty little secret behind the dirty little secret martinis

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Dirty little secret martini/Wikimedia CommonsI have a dirty little secret. It’s so dirty I don’t even add commas between adjectives.

It starts out innocently enough. I poke around the fridge and come across a jar with a few floaty thingies and a bunch of brine. And I realize the fridge is full of jars with a few floaty thingies and a bunch of brine. And then I determine to do something about it.

“Honey, are you thirsty?”

“Why?”

“We have too many floaty thingies.”

Mr. Scatter gives me that look through his eyebrows. He mildly shakes his head.

“We have a problem here!” I get a little defensive. I’m a bit sensitive about My Issue and I’m looking for some sympathy. Mr. Scatter knows I have a dreadful disability. Making fun of such an acute condition is not humane.

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