Tag Archives: shopping

Finally, an uplifting story about bras

By Laura Grimes

This newsflash is for everyone who knows my woes. Everyone else can ignore it. I ordered bras online.

Brassiere advertisementNormally, this is not something I would discuss in public. My flushed cheeks and Mama-taught-me-better ways insist on it. But, given my past experiences shopping for underitems while coping with Large Smelly Boys, this might possibly be an occasion for a raucous public celebration. Before we jump around, though, let me first put on a sports bra.

I learned about these gizmos reading a big, elastic glossary dedicated solely to the language of bras. Who knew there was such a thing? And so long? A garment so confounding that it requires 90 terms to explain it. What it says, in part, about sports bras: “When you move, so does your bust. It’s called ‘bounce.’ ”

Continue reading Finally, an uplifting story about bras

Mr. and Mrs. Scatter go shopping

By Laura Grimes

One Stop Shopping Center Where Mr. and Mrs. Scatter Buy Hosiery

(Editors note: For the safety of our readers, Art Scatter insists on maintaining proper blog decorum. Translation: We don’t swear. Mr. and Mrs. Scatter at all times maintain proper blog decorum in their everyday lives, inside and outside the computer screen, in order to set prime examples for their tender Large Smelly Boys and for the general public.

Also, Mrs. Scatter searched the interwebs high and low for a proper photo and finally picked the one above from Wikimedia Commons and then looked at the caption. It’s from a Fred Meyer store in Portland, Oregon! Hullo! Cue the dialogue, puhleez!)

Mrs.: You park over here? I never park over here.

Mr.: Where do you park?

Mrs.: I park over by the sidewalk so I can safely walk into the store without getting run over.

Mr.: This area is closest to the entrance. (Points in a general direction.)

Mrs.: You go in that door? I never go in that door. You just like to park near the coffee shop, don’t you?

Mr.: I never go to the coffee shop.

Mrs.: We’re going to get run over.

Continue reading Mr. and Mrs. Scatter go shopping